The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 50)

Welcome to this weeks Musings, my 50th such post!  Yep, that’s right, I’ve been writing this shit for quite a while.  So who is the sadder, me for writing such bollocks or you for reading it?  Hopefully there is life in the old dog blog yet so let’s see where the journey takes us.  I’m guessing not very far!

—000—

What Was it I Said?

I gave up figuring out women a long time ago and was reminded why I did following a recent conversation I had with She Who Must Be Obeyed.  Even the innocence of our little hobby can be the unwitting cause of much angst.  Reader beware!

Having just finished painting a Reaper Wizard with a long white beard SWMBO, who was was kindly delivering me a cup of tea at the time, said “He looks nice” to which I replied “Thank you, like all old men their features get more interesting with age which adds a lot of charachter”.  An innocent comment to my mind and probably to the mind of any sane human being but of course SWMBO doesn’t fall into that category.

The following conversation ensued.

“So are you saying women don’t age well?”

“No, but men often lose their hair, go white or grey, get craggy facial features and despite a slight belly manage to carry off a distinguished look as they grow older, a lot like me if you like”

“And women don’t do this?”

“Well you don’t” (as I look back this might have been where I made an error)

“What do you mean I don’t? Are you saying I’m fat?

“No, but you are past your prime and if you allowed yourself to age naturally you would have grey hair too.  You also use some make up which isn’t exactly natural is it?” (then again it might have been here)

“So you don’t like the way I look now!”

“I didn’t say that!

“Well I hope you choke on your tea!”  She then stormed off and went into a sulk.

Go figure.  Women.

—000—

Local Elections and The Vicar Of Dibley (any reference to real people is purely coincidental)

This week I have done very little painting, truth be told I am suffering withdrawal symptoms.  This cannot continue and hopefully after today things will kick off again, they seriously need to otherwise I will have sod all for Saturday’s post and I can’t allow that to happen.  So why have you not been painting TIM I hear you ask?  Well quite simply TIM is now an elected Parish Councillor for the West Devon Parish where I live.  We will call the village Wankville just in case by using the real name it comes up on a Google search.

Now I’m going to take a bit of a punt here (that’s punt with a P) and say that none of you are familiar with the village of Wankville.  I will take another punt and say a fair few of you have heard of the TV series starring Dawn French which goes by the title of The Vicar of Dibley.  Now if as I suspect some of you are familiar with the series then you will now be able to conjure up a near perfect image of Wankville Parish Council if you extract a fat female vicar by the name of Geraldine and replace her in your mind with a fat male farmer called Brian (not his real name).

So how has this kept me from modelling and why did I chose to become a Parish Councillor?  Well this week is the lead up to the local elections and on Thursday comes the actual voting.  There is work to be done but not a great deal, mainly because of how the system works.  The Wankville Parish Council comprises of 8 seats and as only 8 candidates put their names forward then there is nothing to contest so all the candidates get elected.  Easy.  Well so you would think.

Unfortunately the parishioners of Wankville, commonly known as Wankers, comprises mainly of morons; the cumulative effect of village idiots relocating over the course of many years and then interbreeding.  Not only is the local demographic distorted by intelligence it is also out of alignment in other ways too.  The level of lazy fucking Wankers is well in excess of the national norm, running at about 95% based on the last census and how you interpret the data.  Add to this the Wankers ability to moan aligned to their ability to do fuck all and you start to build up a pretty good image of how Wankville operates on a daily basis.

Now I appreciate that most of you do not know me from Adam but it is not in my nature to sit on my arse and watch the village I have retired to continue to be run by the Wanker faction.  As far as I am concerned the days when 8 people gather in a small room huddled around a small wooden table with a wobbly leg to discuss the ins and outs of a cows intestine are about to change (I hope).

Can you anticipate further tales from Wankville in future posts?  I cannot promise but we will wait and see.  The Council meets every two months with the first meeting in May.

—000—

This week TIM has been watching …

… Kick-Ass.  To be more specific the final scene.

After I posted my “Get out of my fucking room” mini dio last Saturday my brother emailed me to say that the little girl reminded him of the one in this movie.  He included a link to the YouTube scene which appears below.  I have to say I love the scene.  How this movie passed me by I have no idea but just as soon as I can I will watch it.

—000—

This week TIM has been listening to …

… The Dickies and Banana Splits.

Sticking with the Kick-Ass theme my brother also told me that this track featured in the film, a song I like as I also remember the TV show as a kid.  Now I do like a bit of punk, The Sex Pistols immediately spring to mind with “Anarchy In The UK” being a personal favorite (I’ve also included that link because I love it”!), so I did enjoy this as well.  One way or another I’ve got to see that film in full and soon!

—000—

Until next time.

TIM

 

 

21 thoughts on “The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 50)

  1. WOW Dave what are you doing ! ,I can forgive you for fucking it up where women are concerned but to become a councillor AAAAAHHH ! I’m not even going to start .

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Heart broken… I thought you were going to say you’d been listening to The Fly On The Wall Podcast… sniff… As I dab at the tears on my cheeks and bravely collect myself I’m loading the pistol that I will hand to SWMBO to seek justice for suggesting she doesn’t look as good as she once did.

    As for the Vicar of Dibbley I just saw a woman on the telly who looked exactly like Dawn French. Weird.

    I think you’ll make a fine head of the wankers in wankerville sunshine.

    Kick Ass is brilliant. Kick Ass 2 isn’t bad but nowhere near as good as the first one.

    🤘🏼

    Liked by 5 people

    1. In all honesty I now feel really bad not giving your podcast a shout out. In my defence I have been so distracted I forgot about it! To put things right I have made a note to mention it in Musings 51 next week. In truth I did love it and am looking forward to the next one. In the meanwhile can I make a plea for loading the gun with blanks?

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Blanks are fine… this time. I feel you should make every post all about me haha. We just finished recording episode 2 so I’ll post it in the next 24 hours. Slightly better sound and slightly longer than the last episode. I also made a slight reference to you at the beginning. Also i feel I’ve used the word “slightly”, slightly too much in this comment

        Liked by 4 people

  3. Nearly sprayed me tea all over the screen again laughing! As far as where you went wrong talking to SWMBO, it was just after “Thank you” in the first sentence – you should just have replaced everthing you said subsequently with a single full stop! Have a listen to the Dickies “Nights In White Satin” and “Paranoid” if you haven’t already!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Place I used to live I knew a bloke on the local council and one day he said “Twenty years I’ve been on the council and just once I’d like to go to a meeting where the main item on the agenda isn’t dog shit on the path down to the beach”. I implore you to model your entrance to the next meeting closely on Mindy’s exit from the lift in that clip!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. They keep trying for Community councillors up here, I am avoiding it like the plague. So far I have managed to stay under the radar, same with the Hall committee… I did my stint as a parent councillor as well as a Primary 7 parent. Regarding your comments to your good lady.. I am surprised your tea wasn’t dumped in your lap. Having watched the kick Ass clip it makes me realise that I never actually watched all of it 🤔. I remember the Banana Splits with fondness though. Great childhood viewing 😁

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Glad you approve mate and if I hit the funny button every now and then all well and good as that was the aim. Haven’t caught up with the film yet, Netflix has the sequel but not the original and as I would prefer to watch in order I will probably end up buying a copy.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. First thanks for 50 moments of blogging fun. Here’s to many more.

    As for your foray into politics, good luck. Maybe you can take the Johnny Rotten approach. That would be fun!

    I’m getting “drafted” in a write-in campaign for the town Board of Health. It’s an elected position and I did not even get on the ballot, but it’s public service. If a whopping total of 5 people write me in, and they remember to put in my middle initial (in a small town of 2,000 there are TWO Mark Morin’s), and nobody else runs, I’ll get a likely thankless once a month role!

    Anyways, glad you’re challenging SWMBO, women enjoy that https://youtu.be/7dRsydhb35E

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great clip Mark and like a lot of comedy funny because it is so true and we recognise ourselves. Hopefully more Musings to follow and glad you enjoy them. The Johnny Rotten approach is I reckon a given! Well if you do get elected you can always blame the other Mark Morin if things go wrong! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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