Operation Overlord – A 28mm WW2 Diorama (Part 4 – Base & Figures)

With the three buildings almost complete it was time over the last week to start thinking and working on the base and to begin painting some of the figures.  To be honest it made a welcome change.  Don’t get me wrong I’ve enjoyed the buildings but it was nice to focus on something else for a while.

Let’s start with the base as there is a lot more to comment on.

Originally my plan was to have the three buildings positioned in a straight line, face on and square to the base.  However, when I positioned them and considered the figures it looked shit.  I then considered putting a road between the buildings whereby two were positioned either to the right or the left with one on the other side.  Although it looked much better it still just didn’t look right.  I then remembered one the of the rules of photography, the rule of thirds.  By splitting the buildings, two one side and one on the other, and placing them at right angles it was possible to position the buildings closer to the sweet spots.  You may not agree when looking at the images below but to my mind this looked much better and thus I made the decision to go with it.  The downside was that there was now much more space behind each building which meant I would have to make back gardens for all three buildings as well.

Another decision I made was to go with the two undamaged buildings on the left with the damaged building on the right.  Why?  You may well ask!

Now I’m no WW2 expert and don’t claim to be.  When completed this model is intended to be a representation and not an accurate depiction of a true scene or event so the way I see it is this.  France, despite being occupied, was for all intent and purposes operating as “business as usual”.  Putting the French Resistance to one side, the shops were open and the people generally went about their business.  All hell of course broke lose when out of the blue the Allies invaded on the 6th June 1944.  My idea therefore was to show business as usual with the two intact buildings on the left and the beginning of the end with the ruined building on the right.  Does it work?  Well I guess that’s for you to decide.

The next step was to draw around the buildings and glue a border of coffee stirrers lightly to the base.  This was to serve two purposes.  Firstly, it provided a clearer boundary line when it came to laying down ground work as pencil or ink would most likely get covered up.  Secondly, when removed the buildings would sit nicely into the recess leaving less ground work to be touched up later.

I mentioned in previous posts that my aim was to include some lighting.  It remains to be seen if this is going to work out but one of the things I needed to overcome was where and how to house the battery and the on off switch.  If I simply stuck it under the base then the base would have to be raised.  Not a problem if it only needed to be raised slightly but but as this was not going to be the case I thought it would look ridiculous.  I therefore decided to drill a FGH (Fucking Great Hole!) through the base so the two parts could be hidden away.  I also needed to make sure that the hole was central so that the wires from two buildings and from street lights which I planned to install would all reach.  All I had to do now was decided how best to cover up the FGH which neatly sat in the middle of the bloody board!

Fortunately I had a eureka moment.  The angles of the buildings gave me the impression of walking through the gap between the buildings and into a village square.  This being the case a lot of village squares have at there center either a statue, a fountain or both.  Fortunately I was able to find a 28mm MDF fountain which I could use, the outline of which was added to the base before starting on the ground work.

For the ground work I decided to go with a cobbled pathway in front of the buildings and a light gravel finish to the center and around the fountain and that’s where I am to date with the the base.  In the photo’s below the buildings have just been placed in situ to provide a first glimpse of how the layout will look.  There is still along way to go!

Now to the figures.

Currently I plan to have eight figures, seven US 101st Airborne and one German.  So far I’ve made good progress on four of the US figures.  Not a great deal to say.  The figures are all ironically from a German site I discovered called “Stoessis Heroes” and are excellent castings in my opinion.  Painted using a combination of Vallejo acrylics and Winton and Newton oils.

Photo’s of base progress and figures below.  The pictures of the figures are poor as I had little time to mess about with the focus which seemed hell bent on placing the focal emphasis on the clamp!

TIM

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The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 35)

Welcome to this weeks Musings!

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Making the right choice! 

As modellers we are used to making decisions when confronted with choices.  What colour scheme?  What to paint next?  What to buy next?  You get the idea.

Life however isn’t just about modelling and occasionally life throws us some tough choices which, like it or lump it, we have to make decisions on.  Some people bury there head in the sand, others take a lead role and others do as instructed by others.  One way or another we’ve all had to make difficult choices and they don’t get much tougher than this one.

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—000—

Brexit

Sticking with difficult choices …

This is, believe it or not, first and foremost a modelling blog but if you live in the UK it’s been pretty difficult to avoid the subject of Brexit just lately.  If you listen to either camp it would appear Armageddon is just around the corner.  Put simply we are heading for disaster and our media can’t get enough of it, or so it appears to me.  Now it won’t surprise you to know that I have a view on the subject.  Without getting to technical I would best describe the whole process, irrespective of which way anyone voted, as complete and utter bollocks.

There has been much talk about the impact on Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, the customs union, defense and the free movement of people, etc, etc, and last week a 585 page document was published outlining the deal on the table.  Now I doubt many of you have taken the trouble to read this tome but I have and I was disturbed to learn that there is not a single mention about the implications for modellers and modelling!  The government claims to have the interest of everybody at the heart of what they do but clearly this is not the case.

Modellers have been totally overlooked and quite frankly that’s not good enough!

—000—

Politicians and Hobbits 

Continuing with the political theme and making choices …

I’m sorry to say that I wouldn’t trust a politician further than I could throw one.  This of course begs the question “what politicians, if any, can you trust?”.  Well, if we base our trust on the basis of how far a politician can be thrown then we can immediately rule out all the heavy ones.  With all the will in the world we ain’t about to pick those mothers up.  Any attempt to do so would almost certainly put our backs out.

I think it is also safe to rule out ethnic minority politicians and female politicians too.  In a world gone mad the risk of picking up a politician from either group would almost certainly result in claims of either racism, sexual harassment or both.  I think it is also reasonable to assume that attempting to throw a politician with a disability would be described as both inappropriate and insensitive regardless of how good the intention for doing so was.

Although by no means certain, by my reckoning the only politicians with the potential to be trusted based on how far they can be thrown are non disabled white male dwarfs.

Personally I think JRR Tolkein reached a similar conclusion.  It cannot be a coincidence that he trusted the Hobbits to go in search of the ring can it?

—000—

This week TIM has been listening to …

ZZ Top.

Hard to find fault with these guys in regard to their taste in cars and women.  Facial hair on the other hand …

Two of my favourites – “Gimme All Your Lovin'” and “Sharpe Dressed Man”.  Play LOUD!

—000—

This week TIM has been watching …

The Inbetweeners.

Not sure how available this series is across the globe but if you haven’t seen it, aren’t offend by foul language and are willing to reflect honestly on you own miss spent youth it’s almost impossible not to relate to these guys.  Watching the series from start to finish along with the two films for the umpteenth time and it gets better or worse every time.

Personally it feels like a biography as far as I am concerned.  Impossible to watch without fond memories, uncomfortable squirming and pissing myself with laughter.  Perhaps it’s just me!

—000—

Until next time.

TIM

Operation Overlord – A 28mm WW2 Diorama (Part 3 – Building No: 3)

Finally managed to make enough progress to post an update!  OK so it’s not the most interesting one but it is as far as I’ve got for now.

If you have been following my progress you will be aware that this is the third building in my planned diorama.  If you haven’t the the title of this post is a bit of a give away too!  It’s also the last building as I’ve decided there will only be three.  As you can see from the images below this building represents a bakery.

The building itself differs in a few ways from the other two.  Firstly, being a shop it has a large front window which can easily been seen into.  Secondly, bakers are up very early so I figure if this diorama is to be set around the early hours of the morning then the lights would be on.  Thirdly, it has a balcony with french doors which means it may be possible to see inside.  With these three points in mind I felt I needed to do a proper interior in some places.

Externally and internally I set about doing things in same way that I built the first two buildings.  Chinchilla dust was used for the external render and a colour printer was used to produce floor and wall tile images which I literally cut and pasted to the MDF interior floor and walls.  The counter with bread loaves and rolls was a very basic scratch build from Milliput.  Far from perfect but hopefully sufficient given the final angle of view.

For consistency I once again went for individual roof tiles, about 1200 of them to be a little more precise!  An LED light was fixed into place to illuminate the shop.  It’s been tested and works and will hopefully continue to do so when the time comes to assemble the building on the base and configure the wiring!  These things are so delicate.

Most of the painting has been done but there are still a few things to be done before I can call it completed (weathering, chimney, balcony and external brick flooring judging from a quick glance).

The time has now arrived to start thinking about painting some figures and getting my head around the base.  The figures will hopefully be straight forward, there are eight in total if I decide to use them all.  The base on the other hand requires a lot of thought.  The positioning of the buildings will be key, there is a need to conceal wiring and I’m toying with the idea of a fountain and street lights.  Some walls will also need to be constructed and each of the three houses will need a back garden.  All in all a long way to go.  Still, everything in good time.

Various progress photo’s below beginning with the basic MDF shell tnrough to where the build is currently.

TIM

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The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 34)

Welcome to this weeks Musings!

Pessimist, Realist or Optimist? Post Telford Update

… and the winner was … The Realist!

Well not really a surprise but as predicted the audience and participants pretty much comprised of ageing men and fathers and their sons.  To be fare there were women about but they were very few and far between, either that or they were simply avoiding me at all costs.  As a consequence I never got to discuss the finer points of “how far do you think I  should dip my brush” , “do you have a favorite tool?” and “the best way to strip a lovely figure”. 

I shall retain my optimism and hope that next year I will meet the young lady featured in The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 33) but suspect by then that the following may well be more applicable!

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—000—

Post Telford Review

As mentioned in previous posts this was my first visit to Telford and hopefully it will prove to be the first of many.  I was told prior to attending that it was the biggest event of its kind in Europe.  I don’t know for sure if that’s true but it is without a doubt a very sizeable event.  I appreciate such events aren’t every ones cup of tea but as a participant and as a visitor I did thoroughly enjoy it.

To help those of you who have never been a photo below to provide some perspective.  The photo is of one of three equally sized exhibition halls.  There is also a very large space dedicated to competition entries.  The photo was taken before the doors were opened to the general public which is why it looks sparse.

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Over the course of the two days I managed to talk to a great many people both in respect of my own models, those of the Plymouth club and of course their own modelling interest.  All very nerdy I grant you but its my hobby and it’s nice to spend time with like minded people rather than have the piss taken out of me by my son and daughter even though I love them both dearly.

If I’m honest the event favors those who are more into kit building, be that planes, tanks, cars or whatever, rather than figures.  The traders pretty much mirrored this too.  That said there were plenty of figures being exhibited and several traders had figures to sell so I was kept more than happy.

On the down side, or the up side pending your take on it, it was very easy to spend a lot of money.  I went with a budget and am pleased to say that I spent far more than I intended to!  Initially I wasn’t concerned until I realized I had to get everything passed SWMBO when I got home.  Fortunately I conceived a cunning plan on the way home.  By stopping at the motorway services a couple of times to grab a burger and shake I was able to return home late enough for her to be in bed given that Monday was a school day and she had to be up for our daughter!  From talking to other modellers this kind of clandestine approach is not uncommon which leads me to think modellers would make great drug smugglers.

I was tempted to provide you guys with lots of photo’s but since arriving home several video’s have sprung up on YouTube which will provide a far better insight than I can.  If you’re interested simply search under “IPMS Telford 2018”.

—000—

This week TIM has been listening to …

Edwin Starr.

The nice thing about a 4 hour car journey to Telford (and back again) is I get to play music as loud as I like and without being moaned at by either SWMBO or the kids.  As a consequence I got to listen to a lot this week, far to much to mention really so I picked out one track which was relevant to the journey home.

I should perhaps point out that I was about 100 miles away at the time and driving!

Best played very loud.

—000—

This week TIM has been watching …

The above track always reminds of a film called “Adventures In Baby Sitting”.  It’s a film my kids both enjoyed when they were both a bit younger.  But for one “F” bomb it’s a great family film if your kids are of a suitable age and it also has a great soundtrack which includes Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones and Real Wild Child by Iggy Pop.  Anyway, nostalgia got the better of me so I’ve been watching it while trying to make progress with my current diorama.

The 1987 film stars a rather hot Elizabeth Shue and arguably worth a watch for that alone.

—000—

Until next time!

TIM

 

 

 

 

28mm Reaper Dark Heaven Legends Mini – Aravir, Elf Ranger

My intended post this weekend was a further update on my “Operation Overlord” diorama but progress was hampered by preparing for and going to the Telford IPMS show (where I am now!).  Fortunately I was able to finish the final Reaper figure I bought a while ago (I will be buying some more!) and arrange for this post to be scheduled for publishing.

So here we have Aravir an Elf Ranger.

I rather liked this little lady, she provided a nice lot of detail to paint.  Being an elf it seemed appropriate to go for fauna and flora base work.  I saw an image on-line of someone who had applied heavy make up to the eyes which I rather liked and thought it would be different so I gave it a go.  I also chose to go with metallic green for her armour, mixed using silver enamel with sap green oil paint and blended with a small amount of white spirit.

Images of the completed figure below.

TIM

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The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 33)

Welcome to this weeks Musings!

Telford

This weekend is the Telford International Plastic Modelers Society (IPMS) show.  I can’t speak with any authority on the event as it will be my first visit.  I’m told it’s a huge event and that I should take a lot of money with me!  I’m not sure how tempted I will be, plastic kits aren’t generally my thing, but I’m attending with an open mind and will provide an update in next weeks Musings.

Getting ready for the event as well as being away for four days has resulted in not being able to model as much as I would like since last week.  Hopefully I will be able to complete a figure for my Saturday post but my planned update on my “Operation Overlord” diorama will have to wait for at least another week as I simply haven’t done enough on the third building.

Pessimist, Realist or Optimist?

Pending who you speak to some people would describe me as a Pessimist.  Of course there are times when this would be accurate.  In reality there are times when I would argue that the glass isn’t so much half empty but actually it has fuck all in it.  Fortunately such dark days are in the minority.

Now personally I would argue I am a Realist who on occasions is extremely optimistic.  In an attempt to prove this let’s consider Telford this coming weekend.

If I put my Pessimist hat on then I would envisage an event which is not as good as I have been led to believe and with very few people in attendance.  I don’t see that happening.  I’m not a Pessimist.

Wearing my Realistic hat I foresee a huge event, well attended by an audience made up almost entirely of old men and dads and their sons.  Would anybody bet against this being the case?  Probably not.  I am a Realist.

Now if I put my Optimistic hat on top of my Realist hat, which I’m inclined to do every once in a while, then I anticipate the following …

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I’ll let you know what transpires.

This week TIM has been watching …

Bohemian Rhapsody.

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Yes, I’ve been off to the cinema once again, this time to see Bohemian Rhapsody starring Rami Malek who is simply stunning in his performance of Freddie Mercury.  If you like Queen I can’t imagine you not loving this film, it is simply superb and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it isn’t the biggest box office film of the year in the UK, it certainly deserves to be.

This week TIM has been listening to …

Queen.

Given how much I enjoyed the film it was almost impossible not to come home and get my Queen CDs out.  I love this group so picking a couple of tracks for this post was quite a challenge.  In the end I settled for posting the link to their iconic performance at the Live Aid concert.  If you watch this and get to see the film the comparison (all be it with a couple of track omissions in the film) is stunning.

Live performances don’t get better than this!

—000—

Until next time.

TIM

 

 

28mm Reaper Dark Heaven Legends Mini – Morrdha Vampire Noble

The down time while I waited for things to dry on the buildings for my WW2 diorama “Operation Overlord” gave me the opportunity to finish another Reaper mini, this time “Morrdha” a Vampire Noble.

This was a nice little Reaper mini to do and provided another small opportunity to do some free hand painting on the pages of the book and on the sword.  Neither is particularly exciting or overly adventurous but it was fun to do and hopefully added a little more interest.

Little to say about the figure itself, a one piece casting with a nice lot of detail to pick out.  Another vampire and another white face making it a little different from typical flesh painting when it comes to shadows and highlights.  Painted using acrylics and oils.

Photo’s of the completed model below.

TIM

 

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The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 32)

Welcome to this week’s Musings!

Inspired by a recent comment by Azazel I bring you …

TIM’s 12 Laws of Modelling

  1. The “To Do List” only gets longer;
  2. The increase in the neglected pile is directly proportional to the number of recent items bought;
  3. Modelling is only stress free when you don’t give a shit what the end result looks like;
  4. How right it looks matters far more than how accurate it is;
  5. Only when a figure becomes obsolete do you realize how much you should have bought it when you had the chance;
  6. Only when you have implemented a solution to a problem do you find a better way to have resolved it;
  7. No matter how much you clear your working space there is always something in the way;
  8. Only when you sit down to start modelling will you remember (or be reminded) that there was something else you had to do first;
  9. Disruptions only happen at critical construction/painting moments;
  10. Essential items required to complete a model only run out when the shops are closed;
  11. The item you have set your heart on will always be out of stock;
  12. The model show you most want to go to will always clash with another event you cannot get out of.

Please feel free to add to the list or highlight a favorite!

This week TIM has been listening to …

Robert Palmer.  Two classic tracks, firstly “Addicted to Love” (Tina Turner does a great cover of this too by the way) followed by “Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)”.

Oh, and for anyone who thinks the two videos are a tad sexist for today’s sensitive community check out Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like A Women” video produced many years after Robert Palmer’s.  I wonder where she got the idea from?  That’s equality for you!

This week TIM has been watching …

The Detectorists.

Had my brother not put me onto this series it would have passed me by and as it turns out that would have been a shame.  For those of you who may not have heard of the show it features Mackenzie Crook (The Office, Pirates of the Caribbean), is set in rural England and is about a Metal Detecting club and its members.  Sounds bazaar but it works.  Well my brother and I think it does.

So far there have been three series of six episodes along with a Christmas special or two.  A bit like Marmite (Vegemite) I guess you will love it or hate it but I’ll throw it out there for you to make up your own mind or comment on if you have seen it.

One thing that it does highlight for me is that there is comedy gold to be had in all walks of life regardless of how random the subject is.  When the time comes to put down my painting brushes I think I’m going to have a go at writing about the adventures of the modelling and blogging community.  An untapped source if ever there was one.

From here on in you better watch what you say!

Did you know …

Viagra is widely used in hospitals to stop little old men from rolling out of bed?

—000—

Until next time.

TIM

Operation Overlord – A 28mm WW2 Diorama (Part 2 – Building No: 2)

Work on the second building for this diorama is almost complete.  Some additional weathering to be done along with some base work once the building is in situ but that’s for later.  Overall an easier build than Building No: 1 – See link to previous post below – which I pretty much anticipated.

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The theme going around in my head has the diorama set in the early hours of the morning which to my mind means a Brassiere would be closed.  This allowed me to put blinds at the windows making the place look shut up, so seeing inside wasn’t a significant issue.  However, I did decided to have one window which could be seen through as I’m now considering the idea of lighting.  We’ll see how that idea goes!

I wont describe the build process in great detail, mainly because it was done along the same lines as the previous post.  Instead I’ll simply highlight the bits which were different and show stage development photos of the build at the end.

A bed was made and wall paper added to the “room” that can be seen into just to be on the safe side.  Just how visible any of it will be if it is lit up remains to be seen.

The “Brassiere” lettering was outlined on the MDF but needed carefully painting.  It went well but was time consuming.

Azazel reminded me of a good tip for tiling the roof, specifically to do so using strips instead of individual tiles.  I had been made aware of this technique a while ago but had forgotten about it so I was grateful for the reminder.  However, having done the first build with individual tiles I decided to go the same way again, fearful that the outcome might look odd.  It probably wouldn’t have done but once again I chose not to leave things to chance.

Probably the stand out feature for me, and certainly the most problematic, was the addition of the “Dubonnet” wall advert.  Painted wall adverts are pretty common in France, well they were back in the 1940s,  so I was very keen to add a simple one.  I ruled out free hand without some guidelines because I didn’t feel confident of getting it right, so I thought I would trace the words on.  Unfortunately the textured finish using a sample I made simply didn’t want to know. The idea of making a stencil crossed my mind but when I looked at doing one it was evident straight away that this wouldn’t work either.  Far to intricate.  I was stumped.  I gave YouTube a go but my searches threw up nothing until by pure chance I discovered a craft tutorial.

In the tutorial the artist took a stone, covered it in PVA and then stuck a picture printed on ordinary paper to it face down.  It was then left to completely dry.  Once dried water was rubbed onto the back of the paper which removed the paper slowly and left the picture, albeit inverted, on the stone.  Presumably the PVA absorbed all the ink and retained a very, very thin layer of the existing paper.  Not a technique I had ever come across before.  Anyway, I thought I would give it a go.

The first thing I had to do was print the word.  I chose to go with “Dubonnet”, a drink which has been around since 1846 so would therefore have been relevant in the 1940s.  I typed it out in Word Art on the PC and played about with sizing.  I then flipped the wording so that it would read the correct way around when glued face down.  Applied the PVA to the chinchilla render and left it to dry.  The next day I rubbed water onto the paper and what you see is pretty much what I got.  A bit of weathering and a few minor touch ups and I ended up with something I was quite pleased with.  Doubtless someone will say “all you needed to do was …”.

So there you have it, an almost complete second building.  Work will now start on the third building and probably the last one for this diorama.  This build may prove to be the more time consuming as I think much more of the internal building will be visible but more on that in a future post.

Development pictures below.

TIM

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The News at TIM – Mid Week Musings (No: 31)

We’ll come to this week’s Musings!

They Shall Not They Grow Old

I mentioned last week that I was off to the cinema to see the Peter Jackson documentary “They Shall Not Grow Old”, a documentary about the Great War timed to remind us of its conclusion 100 years ago this coming November.  The viewing I went to was the films premier and included live coverage of the red carpet entrance and interviews followed after the film with a live Q&A session with the man himself, Peter Jackson.  In short it was a great evening and the film itself is quite remarkable, as were the various insights provided by Peter during the Q&A.

Once I got rid of the image of Jackson looking remarkably like a Hobbit and focused on what he actually had to say it became apparent very quickly just what an incredible individual he is.  Inspired by his own family connections to the war he has produced an amazing film.

It was my intention to provide a more in depth review but the day after the film a BBC critic published his own account so I thought it would be easier to post a link to that instead (See below).  The only thing I found myself disagreeing with him on was the length of the film.  As a critic I guess he has to say something negative and if this is all he could come up with then it’s rather pathetic.  I can only conclude that he has prostate problems as personally, and from talking to one or two people afterwards, they could have bolted on another 3 or 4 hours and it wouldn’t have been too long as far as I am concerned.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-45910189

Perhaps the thing to note is that the film is due for a more general release around the 11th November and according to the critic is scheduled to be shown on the BBC too.

Each to their own but I would urge anyone to see it.

Think I’m going to have to do a few more WW1 dioramas!

What Goes Around Comes Around! 

Money is generally behind everything and so it was when between the years of 1996 to 2005 when I worked at the HSBC Group Management Training College. One of many responsibilities that I had was to manage the training departments multi-million pound budget, something which was much easier said than done.

The biggest problem was the trainers themselves. A great bunch of people and without a doubt the most creative group of individuals that I have ever had the privilege to work with. The problem was that their creativity knew no bounds and they would not be constrained by costs. Although I admired many of their ideas I repeatedly found myself telling them what they couldn’t have and what they could.

It’s probably reasonable to assume that similar situations exist within modelling companies. A designer is sitting there somewhere with all manner of wonderful ideas floating around his/her head.  Unfortunately someone somewhere else in the company has a keen eye on a budget, how much a customer is willing to pay and therefore just how much can be invested in design and creativity.

And here I am now moaning from time to time about creativity being restricted by some arsehole who controls a budget!

This week TIM has been listening to …

… The B-52’s and Love Shack, the 12″ Remixed Extended Version.  Very fond memories of an office party decades ago … !

This week TIM has been watching …

Inspired by having been to see “They Shall Not Grow Old” I decided to watch “Blackadder Goes Forth”.  A classic series and just as funny every time I watch it.  If I had to pick a favorite episode then I’d have to go with “Private Plane” featuring Rik Mayall as Lord Flashheart, his character just cracks me up.  So, for a bit of nostalgia quite a few Flasheart quotes!

“All right men, let’s do-oo-oo it! The first thing to remember is: always treat your kite like you treat your women … get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back”.

“Hey! Any girl who wants to chain herself to *my* railings and suffer a jet movement gets *my* vote!”

Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?  “Because the pants haven’t been built yet that’ll take the job on!”

“Captain Darling? Funny name for a guy isn’t it? Last person I called darling was pregnant twenty seconds later”.

“Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out I’m missing, five hundred girls will kill themselves. And I wouldn’t want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my *face*! Hello? Cancel the state funeral, tell the king to stop blubbing, Flash is not dead! I simply ran out of juice! And before five hundred girls all go ‘oh, what’s the point in living any more?’ I’m talking about petrol! Woof! Send someone along to pick me up. General Melchett’s driver will do, she hangs round with a big knob so she’ll be used to a fellow like me. Woof!

No, not in half an hour you rubber desk-johnny! Send the bitch with the wheels right now or I’ll fly back home and give your wife something to hang her towels on!

Right! Let’s dig out your best booze and talk about me till the car comes!”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Now I may be packing the kind of tackle that you’d normally expect to find swinging about between the hindlegs of a Grand National winner, but I’m not totally stupid. I’ve got the kind of feeling you’d rather we hadn’t come”.

“Just because I can give multiple orgasms to the furniture just by sitting on it, doesn’t mean that I’m not sick of this damn war: the blood, the noise, the endless poetry”.

 

—000—

Until next time.

TIM